Lorenzo and G* Discuss “What do Women Want?”
Lorenzo and G* Discuss the Recently Published Heavily Marketed Book, “What Do Women Want? Adventures in The Science of Female Desire” by Daniel Bergner
“G, how are things going up there in your cabin? It’s been almost four months. Are you still hiding from the ladies?”
“Well, my friend, you’d be surprised about what’s going on up here in the boondocks. In fact, I’m pleasantly surprised too!”
“Don’t tell me you fell in love?”
“Lorenzo, true love for a woman is not part of my remaining days on this planet but enjoying a lady’s company will always be with me. About twenty minutes from here there’s a small artist community type town with a small liberal arts college. There are also lots of local folks who I really enjoy. I drive down there for coffee or dinner almost every day and met quite a number of women from students in the first year of college to a classy and wonderfully sassy senior citizen portrait painter. Boy am I learning a lot about how things have changed with women which we should talk about at future posts.
“Here’s some new news. I’ve rented a condo in Manhattan and will be going down there once in a while. I miss the life and action of that city. God knows what I’ll come across there.
“You called, I presume, about the Bergner book. I did finish reading it the other day.”
‘G, what’s your take on it?
“Look, I know what I’m going to say is going to be in public domain so I’ve got to be careful.”
“Being careful is not what we’re about. Say it as you see it and be upfront with your thoughts.”
“Lorenzo, the author tried to do the impossible and evidently had already, according to my instincts, some preconceived notion about the wonders of female sexuality before he got into the book. He’s certainly anti –male and joins the side of women rather than men making guys throughout history look like dummies when it comes to making ladies have orgasms. He talks about older women or women being with one husband or partner for a long time as sexual downer causes. It is common knowledge that over the ages men get sexually bored with their women over time and go after younger ones but he doesn’t really address this powerful universal biological male drive. Yes, we have cougars today but nowhere near the level of older men going after younger women. But I must be intellectually honest for this is just the beginning of the cougar movement and what’s going to happen later on, for example, when, let’s say, the woman is 65 and the guy is 50 or thereabouts? I’m not sure- and I mean that- but I certainly have an opinion, and you can guess what it is. But there’s one major point which is a huge yet unrecognized insult to women. It’s the bullshit that has become common and acceptable that there’s something wrong with a woman if she, to put it bluntly, isn’t horny. This puts all types of psychological pressure on them from feelings of inferiority to guilt and depression. Even those gone-wild psychiatrists have joined beating up on these ladies. In the recently published The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders umpteen mental disorders are listed one of which, is the sexual interest/ arousal disorder or S.I.A.D. which says if you’re a woman and not horny enough you’ve got a mental disorder, baby. Now there’s no doubt that both men and women have problems that can be helped but not all people are that interested in sex as a major player in their lives. Does that make them abnormal? Of course not! In fact, the book doesn’t define what constitutes a “normal” rate of orgasms- one a day, one a week, one a month or maybe once a year. Sure times have changed and women, particularly the younger ones, are seeking more sexual satisfaction such as with hooking-up but does that mean they have to keep up with the sexual pace until menopause or thereafter? What surprises the hell out of me is that no women who I know of are vociferously objecting to this insulting brainwashing which is putting unwelcomed pressure on a lot of women. Men, as is customary these days and for reasons of personal safety, have wisely decided to remain silent on this and many other major women’s issues.
“Lorenzo, I can’t judge the animal and clinical studies that the author refers to. That’s your territory. Before I forget, I wonder how many women the author has been with. There’s nothing like being in the trenches to both experience and learn about the real nature of war. Maybe in a later discussion we can talk in much more detail than in our book about what my women companions had to say about their sex lives and men. I can tell you what they want, and I don’t think the basics have changed. I can also compare my experiences with what the women I’m now meeting in town have to say but I’m talking about maybe ten of them so far versus three hundred in our book. So whatever I say has to be taken with a grain of salt. There are, however, a couple of exceptions which are very revealing”
“G, what do you mean by a couple of exceptions?”
“We can talk about it when we discuss the comparisons.”
“ G, getting back to the book, I too detected that the guy seemed to be very happy celebrating the so-called new findings about the new found sexual potential of women while cleverly diminishing the importance of men just by omitting their existence. He seems to want to join the media frenzy about the huge market of women’s issues. Anyway, that’s not the biggest flaw in the book. The conclusions he made are based on studies that would not meet even the most liberal standards of scientific and medical analysis. I’m not necessarily criticizing the studies themselves for I haven’t seen or evaluated the actual reports. It must be said that the medical institutions in which they were conducted were not all on the highest academic level. But I’m making the assumption for they all may be good ones. One study, for example, was published in the prestigious journal, Nature. It’s the sweeping conclusions that were made that are not even remotely scientifically acceptable. When he writes that a woman’s lust is a force that is not tied to emotional intimacy and that the belief that a woman is much better suited for monogamy is ‘scarcely more than a fairy tale’ one wonders where these facts came from. Certainly not in his book. Also, when the author virtually denies the evolutionary aspect of sex which has been written about and documented bỳ authorities too numerous to count from science to sociology based only on a handful of studies referenced in his book along some interviews with women, I wonder what the guy’s taking. He also isolates and salutes the orgasm side of sex forgetting to evaluate studies about its negative side such as destructive jealousy, which is rampant today, and the impact on marriage and children. Oh, there’s some good stuff in the book when, for example, he interviews women about their fantasies such as being raped and….”
“Lorenzo, I hate to interrupt you but I knew that women had rape and other types of domination fantasies when I was a teenager probably before the author was born. Funny enough, I used to wonder whether men also have rape fantasies. By the way, if my memory serves me right, most of the studies conducted by the author were done by women and the reviews you sent me were all written by women. After I read the book I had a hunch that a select group of smart ladies would not view this book positively and be pissed off. Though the lady book reviewers were not ecstatic over this book none was pissed off. Maybe the anger will come later on but I doubt it.
“I’m not an idiot, and believe that increasing sexual pleasure can be a good thing particularly during the latter years. Just ask the guys on Viagra. But as you said, Lorenzo, ‘Sex is like fire; it can warm up your home or burn it down.’”