How Benjamin Franklin’s Sex Life Saved the American Revolution- and His Letter to a Very Horny Friend

Franklin and les belles mademoiselles at the French Court

Franklin and les belles mademoiselles at the French Court

 

Historians almost invariably miss little or not highly visible events that have huge historic impacts. Surely, Julius Caesar’s big, long term amorous and dramatic political relationship with Cleopatra changed history but so did Benjamin Franklin’s sex life. He was probably the horniest major political figure in American history. Thomas Jefferson noted that when in a room with lots of ladies, it took all of Franklin’s will power to control himself. He was undoubtedly a ladies’ man. He adored women, and they adored him.

Because of his impressive intellectual and practical achievements, he was a very popular and highly respected man, particularly in Europe. He went to Great Britain trying unsuccessfully over a number of years to convince King George III that his policies in the American colonies were oppressive, and the Americans wouldn’t stand for it. But one other possible reason he stayed so long was because the women of the King’s Court, as well as others, were nuts about the guy and, let’s say, very available. Having failed to convince the king, he then went to France for a number of years, in part, because he found the women extremely attractive- more so than in Britain, and, once more, available, but more deliciously so. In addition to his arguments to King Louis XVI, he persuaded a number of the ladies in high positions to convince their men to convince the king to send troops to help Washington during the American Revolution to help fight against the Brits. And so he did. Without the help of the French troops Washington may have failed, and America would never have come to be- and neither all of you reading this post!

The following letter was written by him to another very horny friend who didn’t want to get married to relieve his horniness but Franklin urged him to do so, but with an older woman. Some of you ladies may find it offensive but remember it was written with tongue in cheek. On the other hand, remember that without this man you would never have been born in a free country to have the privilege of criticizing him.

Ben Franklin’s Advice Concerning His Friend’s Sexual Affairs

Franklin had a friend who did not want to get married, but was battling with urges and lustful inclinations for the opposite sex. In the letter which follows, Franklin first advises the friend that the best solution for his urges is marriage. However, since he knows the friend will not take that advice, Franklin goes on to suggest that his friend have sexual affairs with old women. We know from the context that he is suggesting women over 45 years of age (see #3). His words about putting a basket over her head or turning out the light (see #5) illustrate an aspect of Franklin’s character which is seldom exposed.

June 25, 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. You Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, by they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Oeconomy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor’d with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, the study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Dimunition of Beauty by the Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc’d may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro’ more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting and Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin’d to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: the Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an Old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8. They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend,

Benjamin Franklin.

Vive la France! Franklin charming the French.

Vive la France! Franklin charming the French.

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