G’s Thoughts and Personal Experience on Domination Physical versus Mental

dominatrixseduction sean connery

After the erotic romance novel Fifty Shades of Grey was published, sales of kinky sex products jumped dramatically. There were reports that Fifty Shades workshops sprung up where they teach you-know-what. Back then G and I talked about this, and he said that it is extremely difficult to teach and learn to perform the art of mental domination but much, much easier with the physical type. The far superior art of mental domination where sexual fantasies are deeply connected to mental exploration of the mind, emotional sensations and extraordinary orgasms, unlike physical domination techniques, is extremely difficult in a classroom. It’s best done in private, one on one, sessions.

The movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, will be released this Valentine’s Day which, depending on the quality of this difficult to film story, may spark further interest in pursuing domination and submission. G suggests that couples should see the film on Valentine’s Day and at dinner that night while the fire is still hot, instead of giving boxes of chocolate or flowers as gifts, they should share soft ropes and handcuffs.

I recently read an article in the New York Times about where and how the word “masochism” originated. It happened in the beautiful city of Lviv in the Ukraine. It’s about Sacher- Masoch, who lived there in the 19th century and wrote the book, Venus in Furs, which heavily deals with rough sex and domination. The word masochism, which is common in many languages, was coined after him. In the city is the Masoch Café where customers, free of charge, are voluntarily subjected to whips and chains and other painful domination methods. No mention was made of how effective they are in evoking orgasms, but it does mention that the men scream more often and louder than the women- whatever that means.

I called G and told him about the article. He read it and called me back and surprisingly started a non-stop monologue on his philosophy of domination where he covered too much subject matter for a single post. He, as he sometimes does, invites women to his home for dinner where he almost always cooks pasta using his favorite personal recipes. Recently, he invited two attractive, warm and class ladies for his pasta with spinach, but also other secret ingredients that are known only to him. I tasted it once, and it’s a knockout. Both were in their late forties, one divorced and the other widowed. Before I go on, I asked G what’s his definition of a lady of class. He paused and then said, “It’s like what a former Supreme Court Justice- I believe it was Justice Potter- said about pornography; something which you can’t define with words, but you know it when you see it.”

Anyway, like many women, the widow searches for a man on the Internet and usually used Tinder but without much success. Then she tried Zoosk, which G never heard of, but she told him it may be the biggest man-girl searching website. It’s interesting how these two sites differ in their marketing approaches. Tinder just starts with photos, and if two people like the photos, then they take progressive steps to know each other better by revealing more personal information. Zoosk is way different.  You give lots of information up front. I have no idea what type of people choose one over the other. She gave G a copy one of the messages from a guy which he forwarded to me. It read, “WHILE YOUR MASTER Waits For YOUR Reply MY Pet, HERE Are “SOME” Of The THINGS YOU Can Look Forward to… Wrist & Ankle Cuffs, Bondage, WAX Play, Nipple and Clit Clamps, FLOGGING…JUST To Name A FEW…DOES This Intrigue YOU MY Pet???”

G asked her how it happened and how she felt about it. She did not provoke this kind of response and had no idea how the message popped up; and she was “disgusted” by it. It revolted her. G believed her, but it also made him think of another point. In G’s experience with women, he performed many domination scenes and has a highly reliable sense of a woman who, whether she knows it or not, likes to be dominated. And, in his opinion, the disgusted widow is one such woman. I asked him why, then, was she so disgusted and revolted by it? He blurted out, “Lorenzo, it’s the way it’s done.” He then quoted the famous Greek orator, Demosthenes who said, “The delivery is what counts.” That’s when he took off on a “masterful” dissertation on the types of domination that women respond to which I recorded, but, because of its length, all are not discussed.

“You’ve got to remember: With a handful of exceptions, my experience deals only with about three hundred women who I was with for only one time. I don’t want to give you the impression that I had domination adventures with them all, but I would say about half at variety of intensities. But there could have been more. Now remember I didn’t do whips and chains, and I can’t really break down the types into clearly specific categories.”

“G, I don’t ever think I asked you the reason why you did them in the first place. Was the hit different than without domination?”

“Lorenzo, as I said in the book, I’m okay in talking about my experiences with women, but not of my personal life.  But let me tell you one of my favorite Aesop’s fables stories which may shed some light on the answer to your question. There was a frog that was on the banks of a river getting ready to cross it; I think to see his honeybun on the other side to make love. Anyway, a scorpion approached him and asked if he could hop a ride across the lake by jumping on his back. The frog, flabbergasted, asked the spider if he thought he was stupid because the spider would sting and kill him with his fatal venom. The scorpion then asked whether the frog thought he was nuts for if he stung him for the frog would die and sink and the scorpion would then drown. Well, that made sense to the frog, and he told the scorpion to jump aboard, and so he did. Half way across the river the scorpion stung the surprised frog that couldn’t believe it. He, while slowly sinking and fading away, asked the scorpion why he did it, knowing that he would also die along with the frog. The scorpion replied, ‘I can’t help it. It’s in my nature!’ Lorenzo: Do you get my point?

“Now let’s get to my personal categorization of domination. To be sure, the entire system is complicated with overlapping elements, so it’s easy to punch holes in my thoughts, if one is a very logical person. But life is not logical. Having said that, there is no doubt in my mind of the general validity of my categories.

“There are two domination types- mechanical and mental, but, to repeat, there’s lots of overlap. Men predominate in the first category and women in the second. An example of the mechanical type is when a man visits a professional dominatrix. He walks through the door. They then exchange pleasantries such as ‘good evening’ and ‘how are you’ and ‘what is your preference’? Sometimes, particularly with beginners, she has to relax him enough to open up. Whatever the choice, from kneeling before her and kissing her feet, scrubbing the bathroom floors to being chained and physically punished sometimes in a domination dungeon, it’s almost always accompanied by domination or slavery talk where she demands that she be called mistress. Before the process begins, she gives him preparatory orders, disappears and returns and, as most dominatrix women do, with skimpy black attire and almost always with their black boots. By the way Lorenzo, I could never figure out what’s with everything in black, particularly the black boots. Why not I polka dots or teal? The process, with very little or no foreplay, abruptly begins, and he’s immediately sexually turned- on when she demands that he call her mistress and to become obedient to her every command. After the clock runs out, she’s always checks the clock, she abruptly ends the session. All is suddenly back to normal as it was before. The guy then addresses the lady normally, thanks her, shakes her hand or kisses her goodbye. The key point that I’m making is that the guy knows that it’s not real and knows when his time will be up, dictated by a clock. He knows that the domination was all artificial, and she was not at all serious about it, really not interested in him and anxious to move on to the next customer, start the clock again, fake it until the clock runs out again- and start again to achieve her major objective- make money and not to dominate.

“Mental domination, on the other hand, is entirely different for the woman really believes she’s truly being dominated which is far more mental and fantasy provoking. Also, she knows there is no alarm clock that will go off at a predetermined point in time. Though there are no studies on this, there is little doubt that her sexual pleasure is more intense and prolonged than with the physical type. It’s important to note that my affairs with women were only one night ones, which I think, makes the woman relax up front. My approach leads to a slow crescendo of intense sexual excitement followed by huge orgasms. Now I don’t like to say this because of social values and the wisdom of being discreet; the basic formula for beginning to relax a woman is good drinking and dining at a restaurant, a suite- not a room!- at a hotel, followed by the a nightcap in the suite and sometimes light use of recreational drugs. I could never figure out why a suite is much more conducive to relax a woman, but I quickly learned from my early experiences. And, the right kind of music, which depends on the lady and the mood, is an essential ingredient of the formula. I cannot emphasize this enough.

“And- this is a big – don’t talk about yourself much only enough to bring out the woman. The more she openly talks about her personal self, the more relaxed she becomes. That’s when you get a feel of what’s going on in her mind and what mental subject matter to pursue. She’ll talk about her personal life from her love-life to her frustrations. By the way, there’s nothing more beautiful than being with a relaxed woman- she doesn’t have to be a stunner, but just a gal with average looks- and learn about her. There is nothing like those multiple silent facial expressions, particularly those that flow from the eyes. Paradoxically, generally speaking, men usually, in personal scenes, do the talking and women the listening and, I do believe, it is more natural that way. Women have the inborn quality of receptivity and men naturally respond to it.”

“G, give us some specifics about what you actually do.”

“Wow, you’re still horny at your age! It’s not nearly as important as to what is done, but how it’s done. Don’t forget old Demosthenes. Let me describe my approach whether to get into a domination mode or not. It all depends upon my and the woman’s mood and the impact of the drinks, dinner and other factors. It’s like treating arthritis with pharmaceuticals; the effectiveness all depends upon the dose. When she’s really relaxed and letting her hair down, that’s when you ask probing questions about her love experiences. One door-opener which I found very effective is to ask the question, ‘Have you ever been jealous?’ If she responds to that, then I encourage her to describe what happened in a subtle, soft way. If she does- and I help her getting into details- that’s when I decide to pursue a domination scene, and it almost always works out. And these are the ladies who have the biggest and most frequent orgasms, and, I must say, oftentimes surprising themselves, which pleases me.

“Lorenzo, you’re probably wondering why the jealousy question is the gatekeeper of go-no-go.  I don’t have a medical answer, but in my experience, it is. What I frequently bring out in these women are scenes where her best girlfriend or other woman she’s someway attracted to, takes away her boyfriend or husband in scenes where the three are present, particularly when the friend is seducing her man. Scenes such as the woman serves dinner to the girlfriend and the man, and both give her orders, or the girlfriend is turning on and even ordering the man, are common. Ménage a trois scenes are common where the girlfriend- and, to repeat, it could be another woman that’s she attracted to – dominates and orders her husband to watch as she turns the woman on bringing out her fantasies and telling her she will be the servant of her and the man, but emphasizes that the man will be obedient to her.

But it’s critical that I bring out these hidden fantasies by asking probing questions or suggesting scenes some of which she never thought of but passionately responds to. During the fantasy talk her sexual response is tremendously enhanced by light to medium physical punishment from biting on her nipples to spanking and smacking. I’ve found that the highly intelligent and beautiful women take to choking more than the others. Once more, I’m talking to the woman while this is going on. I cannot emphasize enough that the art of talking is the key to sophisticated mental domination.

I want to emphasize that sophisticated, mental domination of a woman makes her forget about time, and she actually enters a virtual world of fantasy and embraces it. Her brain, a mere three pounds of flesh with lots going on, actually makes it real for her and, I have a hunch, it will stay there for a long, long time.

“Before I forget, if I decide it’s not going to be a domination night, I still thoroughly enjoy being with these women. It’s an entirely different experience, but just as beautiful. Beauty wears many faces.”

“Okay. But what is the overhaul secret of your magic, fantasy moments, and what advice would you give to men regarding your know-how? Bottom line, how do you do it?”

I sensed that G was a little bit uncomfortable with this question because I asked it once before, and he was reluctant to answer. And, the same thing happened.

“Lorenzo, you asked me this before, and I don’t have a recipe. It’s not like prostitution. The ladies of the night are not good at sophisticated sex. They are mechanical. I recommended in one of my previous posts or in the book, I don’ remember where, that an entrepreneur should start a chain of these houses of pleasure staffed by women who are taught acceptable sophisticated mental domination methods- both verbal and physical- and the guy or gal would make a fortune and, maybe, save lots of marriages by the resulting sex relief.

“Regarding my advice to men; you either have it or you don’t. If you’re not sure, but interested, give it a try but, take my advice, practice a bit on my experiences and see what happens. Remember, if the first approach doesn’t work, often times by switching gears, the woman will respond. But this takes a bit of experience unless, of course, one is a natural at it. One final note; never rush. Move slowly and always give a sense to a woman that you can and will stop, if she decides to. The woman’s belief that the man can do this is essential for the  beautiful experience to be completed.”

Before closing, in the tape G mentioned that there is little difference between a woman’s seduction of a man and man raping a woman. I don’t agree what he said but his point of view, which is thought- provoking, will be on a future post.

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